Rules of the Road (Trip)

Thanks, Match.

Given our budgetary restrictions, our preferred method of travel has always been road trip. Even with Obama driving up gas prices by selling all of our oil to the Socialist Kingdoms, splitting multiple tanks of gas between a car full of people still tends to be cheaper than a single plane ticket. Plus, given our previous destinations, air travel would be over in a matter of hours. Who would want to do that when they could spend 15+ hours in close quarters with some of their best friends?

Here are some tips for a successful road trip so that you can avoid turning your best friends into your worst enemies.


 

1) Learn How To Read a Map

The first and last time I ever trusted our trips navigation to a GPS was a trip to Washington DC. Most of the trip was uneventful. In fact, we even developed a bit of a rapport  with the GPS, affectionately dubbing him Reginald due to his semi-British accent. We'd almost reached our destination when Reg directed us towards a dead end. Not being prone to argument, we followed his advice. Upon making the turn, Reg kindly asked us to make a U Turn. Confused, we obliged, only to be directed down the dead end street yet again. Surprisingly enough, Reg once again requested that we make a U Turn. At this point we realized he was just fucking with us. At this point, we were close enough that we didn't really need a map, someone realized that our hotel was maybe a quarter mile down the road. But the lesson this taught me was profound.

If you have a GPS, it's secretly an asshole.

Google Maps and Map Quest also generally point you in the right direction, but anyone who has ever used them knows that whatever algorithms they use, they will occasionally manage to come up with pointless steps that may save you a .02 miles in overall travel distance but make very little sense in practice. On our recent excursion to Hilton Head, the directions had us exit I-77 only to get back on two miles later. Matt and I both scratched our heads at this but we followed the directions anyway because I honestly don't take my own advice and we didn't have a map in the car.

2) If You're Traveling with More Than Two Cars, Don't Caravan

Just like a GPS, caravanning seems like a great idea in theory but it's much more trying in practice. There's nothing like realizing that the car that is supposed to be following you because they have no idea where the hell they're going is suddenly trying to pass you. And trying to coordinate bathroom stops with more than two cars? Not worth it.

One of the best mistakes we ever made was during OBX Part 2. Our cars became separated. We all had directions and instead of trying to find each other, we instantly gave up and just decided to meet each other whenever we got there. This instantly became far more enjoyable. We only had to worry about the people in our car and the death threats were reduced by close to 50%.

3) The best road snacks are beef jerky, Combo's, and Mountain Dew.

This is simply the truth and really needs no explanation.

4) If You Have The Money, Satellite Radio Is Awesome. 

Satellite Radio is one of those things I never thought I'd need, but now that I have it, I can't imagine ever living life without it. It also offers two really big advantages for a road trip. The most obvious of these is that you don't have to spend any time looking for new radio stations. Secondly, no matter who you have in the car with you, you can easily find a station that everyone will agree on. We've all had many a good time throwing on 90's on 9 and rocking out to Britney Spears.

In the interest of brevity, I'm going to cut it short here. These are just a few of many road trip tips I can think of. What else have you got, Matt?