Friday, September 28, 2012

OBX: The Director's Cut (Starring Bill Murray)

While all of our entries have been recounts of actual trip events, Paul and I do enjoy being creative once in a while.  One day at work, we decided to come up with a "Travel Log" of a potential alternative chain of events for an OBX trip.  Hopefully, one day, this will actually happen.



    day 1: awesome

    day 242: still awesome
    day 313: still awesome, kinda drunk.
    day 452: still awesome, really drunk, saw dolphin.



    day 512: still awesome. why is colin here? bought freeze pops.
    day 513: colin gets bit by jellyfish. random passerby pees on him. ocd causes brain to explode. colin is buried at sea. also, still awesome.

    day 520: colin's ghost wants us to remove sap from his hair..  adv that that wouldn't be possible.  still awesome though.  awaiting research extension for book.

    day 522: still awesome. extension granted. finally get around to calling exorcist.

    day 524: exorcist shows up drunk. don't think he's really an exorcist. end up doing shots with him and walk down the pier at night. very awesome.

    day 632:  ran some serious game on fake exorcist and colin in beer pong.  still very awesome.  forgot why we're down here.  don't care.

    addendum: ghost colin was drinking ghost iced tea

    day 633: publisher makes surprise visit to see what we have so far.  isn't very happy with our efforts.  take him to beach and finds out how awesome it is.  gets drunk and takes colin's place in beer pong


    day 667:  katie comes to visit.  meets my new girlfriend.  asks me to introduce them to each other.  finds out I don't know girlfriend's name.  girlfriend leaves.  chase her to pier to try to explain myself.  tell her I have amnesia.  she buys it.  awesome.  OBX is still frickin' sweet.

    day 668: matt's new girlfriend dies. take him to swing on the porch swing at sun spot. learn that the jefferson's are staying there. matt strikes up a conversation with lucy jefferson, the hot daugther. moves through all of the stages of grief within first 5 minutes.


    day 690: it's my birthday and went to get ready for dinner.  walked in on ghost colin and ghost what's-her-name making out. happy for colin.  apparently ghost what's-her-name was doing it to make me jealous.  call ghost busters to make her leave


    day 693: bill murray ends up showing up. apparently, ghost busters aren't real but he is. brings his karaoke machine. drink too much. have a lot of fun.
    addendum: bill murray ends up living with lucy jefferson. turner doesn't notice for two days

    day 695:  I go to pick up Lucy for surprise date.  find bill murray being friendly with her and notice his toothbrush in her bathroom.  kind of upset but then I bring up the fact that he did garfield and she dumps him.  he still hangs out with us because he respects me sticking up for myself.  Bill murray's really good at beer pong. 


    day 748: tomorrow's paul's birthday and I don't know what to get him.  Bill Murray gave him a bunch of money, kyle the "exorcist" gave him a stuffed dolphin, ghost colin got him nothing because he doesn't have any money, and lucy got him the newest nerf gun.  so I don't know what to get him.  maybe I'll just ask him what he wants.  this place is still awesome

    day 749: everyone threw me a really great party. it was unseasonably warm and we had a bonfire on the beach. katie sent some bacon from her farm and lucy made it for us. everyone got me really nice presents but turner's was my favorite. he got me a 24 pack of labatt. he always knows just what to get. obx, still great.

    day 760:  second research extension denied.  Bill murray offered to pay for us to stay down here forever.  appreciate offer but look for jobs instead while we finish up the book.  find out that CheerWine bottling plant is looking for manager.  send resume.  *fingers crossed*.

    day 778: turner gets job as cheerwine manager. publisher gets back to us on book notes. advanced word on the street is that it's going to be huge. he calls it the 50 shades of grey of travel writing. not sure if this is a compliment or not.

    day 779: clouds look nice today.

    day 780: did laundry today.  clouds looked nice yesterday.  really enjoying job as cheerwine manager.  paul really likes it because I get all the free cheerwine i want.  movie studio calls to begin casting for movie on book that hasn't been released yet.

    day 782: they want to cast jesse eisenberg as me. i guess i could see it. i'm still holding out for michael cera, though. i doubt anyone will be able to tell the difference.
    addendum: good news! bill murray has just been cast as himself!

    day 787: find out that Rob Brown, the black kid from Finding Forrester is going to play me.  don't know what to think of that.  on the plus side, joss whedon is directing it.  this could be interesting.  lucy made me the best grilled cheese today.  we made out.  obx is awesome

    day 799: they've received so much feedback on the book, they are rushing to press. number one preorder on amazon. they just booked us on fallon.

    day 801: we convinced Jimmy Fallon to host the show on our pier because we don't want to leave this place because it's so awesome.  he agrees, along with questlove.  filming begins in a week, a day after the book is released.  very excited.  am thinking about asking lucy to marry me.  kinda nervous though

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